Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
