I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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