It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
