i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize