my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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