im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
