If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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