It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
