Will you blow on my dice?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
