That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was CRYING into my vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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