I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize