I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Everclear isn't food dammit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
