Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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