STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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