Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
