he looks like a really good dad on facebook
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
