Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize