I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think brook has ever known best
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
