I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
