This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
