You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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