matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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