i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
