I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
