youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
