yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm getting married
To pizza
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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