I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
