He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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