Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
