I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
