they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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