swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
