Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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