Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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