And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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