She is in my trunk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
