smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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