actually, I'm a sock model
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize