Your mouth is God's brothel.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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