I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
