We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
