she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
