She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
