The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
