you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
