Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
