i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
