so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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