paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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