Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
