my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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