:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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