You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
