remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
