Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
