somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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