Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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