I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
