Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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