The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
