Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
