Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just invented taco cereal.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
