I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
