i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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