I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Farmville is her only friend.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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