i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
