I got chris browned last night
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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