Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
