just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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