Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
