Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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