The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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