Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
