in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
