walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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