just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
