your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
